Thursday, October 16, 2008

Late night.

I scolded one guy 3 days ago. Not sure it was a serious quarrel cause along the process I was help by friends. They just help me in forming sentences caused i was shocked and emptiness strike me that time, i did not expect to receive that message from him. I spilled out every single of my feelings... though I know is cruel but it reached a stage where I really could not hold my emotions.

His first ques: 'Did i ever think about his feelings?'
(I did not feel angry, i just had a funny feeling about this ridiculous ques. Really it is amazing that he did come out with this ques. Did he process this question before he sms me? Hmm... maybe he was really sleepy. I emphasized it many thousand times that we ARE just FRIENDS, even if the best and most important friends, i will never say this to him/her just because of 2 idiotic sms replies. OMG! Friends will not feel sad or so deeply disappointed about his/her another friend not replying his messages. The first message, I admit that i purposely do not wanted to reply. Cause we were going to play basketball in 15mins time, why should I reply if we were going to meet in a short while? But very disappointedly, u complaint and give me that responds.

Feeling is a strangest thing in human. I can not control it, when i said NO for two times, the most is three times, i really mean it. Please, do not ever forced me or test my patience too many times, I'll get damn fed up. What's wrong with being just friends? Friends are less complicated as i had told u earlier. But the way u act after i told u did not make any different as before. Well i should not say that because u did reduce the following me part. U can changed anything but the feeling will be there forever, and my answer still no. And do not compared u with ur friends, is their fate to have the chance to be with their gf.

Haiz... I do not know what am i writing now...

Do u ever know u r forcing me every second? Please ask someone for opinion, okay? It's not working for long run in future.
U asked me to tell u things that u did that will disappoint me. Oh god! what should i say? I was shock again by ur answer. Well, first, I never tell people their bad things directly as i think they r just friend, tolerate it or just leave for the sake of peace. Unless hmm.... the person really don't mind or it reaches the threshold where my feelings overtake my control. I usually forgive them after I wake up from a long sleep. Then, I'm not a person who knows how to control feelings, so if i get mad, i'll just hmm.... this will sound crazy... cry or break pens or bad words coming out or shut up with shit faced... and then, the person i scolded will get sad or guilt... i hate those feelings myself, so, i do not really like them to come around me...
Back to the ques u first sms me. I think about ur feelings okay! seriously but think it as a way in friendship. So, i did not scold u...
Do u know that everytime u put there in ur pm saying how sad i made u ... that's really bad for me u know... U rmb the 'insensitive piece of shit' story... i became quite sensitive after that... but i did not feel any guilt until friends surrounding keep saying that it was my fault again... It's really annoying when i did nothing and i have to feel guilt... yer!! this is kinda forcing u know? forcing me to talk to u.. forcing me to become ur friends or sms u or wat '!!!!! what the hack!!!

such a simple role 'friend' and u make it so complicated .... as if i was ur gf whom required to care ur feeling every seconds and reply ur sms every second... COME ON! I SAID NO... being friends u still request for so many things... Please talk to ur housemates or someone else about ur problem. I do not want to continue as i'm still mad and i need time before we can actually talk again... I'm really exhausting... hopefully after this 'window period' u'll find out ur mistakes and not changed it because of me but for ur own sake.

Anyway, sorry for being straight to u, i dun feel good either...

2 comments:

wk said...

gal...i know u will feel bad when u express out ur feeling..anyway..we r human..not machine..we hav feeling..n we need a way to express it...a correct way..i really hope u dun hurt urself ok? u can talk to me or u can write it out or watever..and the most effective way(i think la)is cry out loud..or do sth u like??and for tat guy..he dun worth for ur anger..just calm down n ignore him ba..since he dun treasure u even as a fren...mab be giv him a little time...

[Amateur] said...

i din hurt myself! n i'm NOT going to cry because of this.