Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I am depressed...

what am I doing here?
Second day of EOS5... every paper is depressing and i have lost all my confidence...
9 systems, CVS, respi, haemato, git, endo, repro, renal, msk, cns... together like a mountain-like papers of notes... And i need to remember...
I am depressed because i tried all the best i can to remember them, but i end up losing them... I'm a loser.

Why am i risking my life here?
I am very unhealthy. I drink coffee like drinking water, it is my breakfast, my dinner and sometime my lunch... there are still time where i dun even eat, because i know once i eat, my blood will pool down my stomach and i will feel sleepy.. i know also that i cannot effort to lose any seconds without study my notes, cause i need to remember them...
I am stress. We are human, i know i can't study every seconds, but i need to. So, when i reached the point where i can't study anymore, i will feel the guilt inside of me...
I am a negative med student.
I am tired. After every paper, i need to force myself to sleep, because i need to calm my mind from the overactivity of adrenaline and seratonin in my mind, i need to continue to prepare myself for the next day exam and i dun have enough time. I am tired.
I have no stimulus.
I am zero.

Why am i choosing this course?
Because i want to give people joy. No pain no disease.

"studying medicine is like pregnancy, people see the outcome but not knowing how many attempt we made"

No comments: