4 months.

it's been 4 months since my last post.

failed my osce. scar has healed quite a bit. but it's a permanent scar.

be honest, i'm jealous that people having fun out there, laughing playing and i'm palpating stink venous foot. reading talley again and again. i'm frustrating, fighting inside me, but what can i do? nothing. the only thing that can cheer me now is counting down on days before i go have a break.

Am i actually walking on a path that suit me?

Stay calm.

This is a remainder to myself.

Stay calm. Do not do anything recklessly in response to your thoughtless emotions. Please take control of your emotion all the time, do not bring yourself into any troubles!

Stay a clear mind.

Be neutral. Do not judge according to what you see. Keep quiet!

Born.Again

Reborn to be stronger person.

This is YeeLin Lui, 26/07/10.

Control

I'm using my whole body energy to control my emotion!

I'm sooooo terrible, why?

I used up my energy to control my thinking over this friendship thing and now i got another problem arises because of my carelessness. Please don't fail me. I shouldn't use short form anymore, imagine that i used it in my report and submitted? so silly and funny when i found out.

Will i survive through this year? I have already got many wounds created since i came here, please dun cut indirectly me anymore, i can't take it...

Learning process is very tough. Learn to be alone, to be independent, to apply theory (forogotten during 8 weeks of holiday) in clinical settings, to speak, to act confidently, to overcome my exam fear, presentation fears, to be able to handle truth humanity, to cook, to survive...

I'm exhausted... Can i see a light to drive me to the right direction?

T_T

gen med

8 weeks of gen med comes to the end now.

very hectic life... stressful...

i was posted in respiratory unit for 8 weeks. i sticked to my team like glue.

my residence for the 8weeks: Dr sherman picardo. he is very nice, helped me check through my case reports, listened to my case presentation, taught me how to do ABG... never angry ... always say "that's good" haha ...

first 3 weeks i had this great 6th year with me. if wasn't him, i'll be sooo blur in the first few days.. really wanna thanks him, he is yang. very clever and nice guy... gave me a lot of private tute, like to teach...

then next 4 weeks was Joseph, another 6th year, he... er... doesn't like to talk ... doesn't really like to smile also... unlike yang... hmm... but he is very nice as well..

my first 3 weeks of reg was dr.sarah young. she talks like bullet train, mouth seldom move aahaha... very hard to get wat she said sometime, always smile! like to teach when she had time... she brought me to other wards to listen to murmur, clerk patient and then present to her...

then last 3 weeks i had dr. babu phillip as my reg. he is another awesome reg. he knows a lot but he speaks very softly that i couldn't hear wat he said and i dunno what he wants.. hahaa... and he likes to EAT! hahaha... he brought us, the whole team to northbridge for dinner...

thanks to the whole team, i like my respi life. although very busy, a lot to read, but it's quite good...

the first thing i learnt in my gen med was how to put on N95 face mask! hahaha ... taught by dr.sarah young. i think she was shocked, when i asked her: "how do u put this on?" hahahaaa....

besides that, i watched 3 bronchoscopies, one of that was done by my residence.

one intercostal tube drainage by my residence and babu.

Another thing i would want to emphasize here:

My new consultant: Dr. W said he hates this product soooooooooooooooooooooooo deeply!! haha... he said it is useless.... doesn't deliver medicine to the lung... Let me introduce u to this Diskus seretide:

Education Purpose (1)

This is Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter (PICC) line.

As you can see here, it is inserted through peripheral vein in the forearm and extending up to the SVC.

It is not staying in there more than 30 days.

This is Hickman Line- rather short line inserted through jugular vein.

I'm a failure

How do I feel now?

Just not happy. Cannot cheer up excitedly.

Psychiatry, is known to be the easiest posting but i failed. I'm such a failure, don't u think?

I always thought i had enough of cry on that day i got the result but whenever i telling people about it, it's just hard to control.

I feel so terrible... don't want to let my family know, i hav to hide my feelings from them.

I'm so low mood that even though i need to carry 20 over kg bags up to 5th floors and i wasn't angry i just feel sadder and when i lost power supply out of no reason, the mood just stay there without going to scold people.... i'm so low...

i keep asking myself will i be able to survive through uwa 3 years?????? It's still a question.

papers, theories... long hrs of bored reading...

and then i found this!!!
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gary.sturt/art/brain.htm

pic of brain according to freud... wahaha

interesting piece of animated pic! cool...

emo.

i feel like killing myself ad...

i'm low in mood...

music doesn't cheer me up...

i'm so stressed up!

The more i stayed in 2k, the worst my feelings get...

psych is influencing my life!

Depressive Disorder

I hate Monday! Monday is dark, depressing, busy, all the bad things!

I dunno if it's Normal or my standard is worrisomely low.

In PBL, Varun n I were in charged of Prognosis n Mx for schizo. I did most of the homework for it, u can put it 98%. When it came to discussing with group members, i couldn't even formed a proper sentence ... speaking like word salad... it's so distressing and i feel so shitty low now. I couldn't concentrate on anything after the PBL. I'd tried but my mind just shifted away.

Another thing, i couldn't catch what patients say! this is a big problem. Either their words glued together or too softly or their native new terminology. I really feel like banging my head against wall now. It's bad, i'm at risk of self harming! really bad! ...

Psych

First posting: Psychiatry!

this week i was under dr. aaron tan, was a previous imu student also. He is very nice, taught me alot of things. however, i was very upset about my own performance. Cause i found out that i can't even speak properly! wat the Hell! It just so ridiculous! after so many years of educations and i speak broken english! wat the Hell! I dun like to be like this! i need to change! how long will it takes? sigh...

6weeks later, i have an exam: interview a patient for one hour (sound long right, it is not!), 10-15mins prepare, 15mins case presentation, and 20mins of discussion with consultant.

god bless!

累

很爱睡... 没有咖啡, 我就没精神! ... 这种日子很难过... sounds like caffeine addict...

4-2-10

defribillator and stem cells aren't that helpful! He will never called my name as he used to 3years ago.

He and his wife helped my parents take care of us when we were very young. Then, he sent 3 of us to school for, i dunno... maybe 15-17years, for 24hours a day. He did have a very bad temper but he protected us like his grandchildren. I remembered he used to make us durian jam, durian ice cream when i was in primary school.

He had stroke 1 n half years ago. And he passed away this afternoon.

Stupid teardrops when i was on my research method class.

awful day! but i survived.

I had an awful day today. Need a tap on my shoulder now (quotes from dr. lim back in imu).

I slept almost 9hours from 10pm on sunday to 7am. Got up with a super messy hair. The hair just couldn't go back to normal shape after many times of pouring water to it. WTV, just leave it like that ... pretty messy...

Mantoux Test. We were told to hav our mantoux test done. So, the stuff in pathwest (J block) asked us to go to Sir Charles Gaidner Hospital (R block) to get it done there. We took about 10-15mins in searching for the "HIDDEN" R block. When we reached there, the nurses there told us "it's a quantiferon TB test, u shud hav done it back in pathwest and not here!" So we had to walk all the way back to pathwest. We waited for 30mins in pathwest reception counter before we could get our venepuncture done.

I was allocated to Fremantle hospital for my nursing attachment as stated in our timetable. Me n jo reached there around 12pm. The girl in the reception counter gave me a super shocking news! Nearly had heart attaack! Ur Amity ward is in Kaleeya hospital. My first rxn was "Huh? apa tu? Ca-La-Ya???". Then i asked her, Can i walk there?... she said: Although is under fremantle hospital but it's a distance away from here!. Me n jo went on to ask the information counter in hospital about how to get there. He then showed us a map. and it was like "WOWWWWW~~~ soooooo FAR away!!" Imagine, fremantle hospital is in South Fremantle, then City in the center and Kaleeya hospital is in East fremantle. Not knowing what to do, I just walked around hoping to get on to a cab and send me there. BUT! There wasn't a cab on my way to Perth train station! sooo ulu... Fortunately, i was able to reach Amity ward before 1pm!!! Thanks god!!

5pm dismissed. I got a bit lost again! Coz i dunno how to go back to city!! Clinical manager in the amity ward asked me to take the bus outside the hospital... i waited for a long time, no buses passed by... then i walked to the Canning hw. On my way to canning hw, i saw my bus passed by me... zzz... Waited in the canning hw, the main big road, hoping to get a bus or cab. Not even a cab passed by when i stood at the bus stop for 20mins! imagine how ulu is that place! ... zzz... luckily a bus passed by and i hopped on --> got me to train st.

My terrible English!!! It's a serious problem here in australia if i really wanted to survive! I hav to mug up!!

Live a Life!

hmm... where should i start first?? hmm....

Ok, Last saturday we had this dinner with seniors and here is the picture:

This was taken randomly. Hendrick tan here. He just graduated last year and was imu student. Now is an intern in RPH.

Others: aaron tan, ziyun, priya ( prema's sis), yee lymn, debbi, joshua, martin, seng chye, paul, michael...

Monday, i had a revision session for catheterization. Fun and bit stress, coz the nurse will assess each and everyone of us when we perform. So, need to be very calm and still, if freaked out, then everything goes wrongly...

Tues, Australia day!!! woke up early in the morning... Went to dr. kong's house. After arrival of Dr. sue and her nephew, Desmond, 5 of us went to mandurah crabbing. As i forgot to bring covered shoes, I gotta walked with slipper inside the river, not knowing when the crab will hide underneath and pinch ur toes, it's damn scary experience. The deeper i walked, the harder i need to drag my feet, until a time that my slipper just broke into 2! hahaa... then i gotta walked bare-footed! Scarier!! haha ... As i walked and walked, suddenly i felt something hit my crabbing net, (I used the crabbing net as my "walking stick" coz It's unstable to walk when the wave and winds hit u) rose up my net, "oh my god, i caught a crab!" Another random lucky experience i got! I had a mixture feelings of frightened and excitement. quickly i ran back to the shore, while waiting for the others to come back, i just played with my little baby crab... U know what i did? haha ... i actually sunbathe it, made it lying prone cause it grabbed my net very tightly... 5 of us only got one legal sized of blue swimmer crab that we could bring home. So, we searched for shop and bought us another 4 blue swimmer crabs and some squids.

At around 7.30pm, me n my uncle walked to swan river. Everyone was gathered along the swan river to watch the annual fireworks in perth. (the only day where u could see fireworks and celebration, they dun even celebrate for new year! pathetic.. haha) Firework was 30mins and i caught many pictures but i dun like most of them... hmm... i wan my dslr!! SOB SOB...

Wed, i had injection, iv cannulation... little feverish...

Thurs, i had phlebotomy! FUN!!! Ange is so pro... my arm is perfectly fine under her care! but she was unfortunate to hav me as her "phlebotomist" that day! haha ..coz it bled! haha ... my needle came out before i put the cotton.. haha ...bled a bit ... haha...

Fri, i had resuscitation and patient manual handling...

Saturday (TODAY!!)... doing nothing... haha ... waiting for tonight PARTY!!! YEAH!!! How can monkey missed out PARTY?? haha ... i LOVE party!!!

Exercises!

This photo was taken when i was jogging at king's park this morning.

It was 45mins exercise and i was dead right after that ... hahaa...

Started with Jacob's ladder, this stupid long ladder from mount bay rd up to entrance of king's park. I wanted to count how many steps actually, but i lost count after a while, my brain was really exhausted when i was climbing up...

Jacob's ladder was tiring so i decided to change my route. I jogged from the ladder there to the memorial statue, back n forth twice and Jacob's ladder 4 times. That's the upper limit for my first trial.

Is finally feeling TIRED after 8months of holiday.

UWA has a very complicated system to understand...

Lot of paperworks to sign and apply in order to access to UWA system...

Next week class begins, everything is going to be fast and heavy...

Nursing attachment, being allocated to fremantle hospital... so far ...

FYI, my class has 189 students! COOL isn't it , i din expect UWA to hav so many students, i thought only IMU will accept such a tremendous amount of students... hahha

TIRED....

Fortunate.

You know what, I suddenly have a feeling of being blessed! I dunno, maybe i felt content with what i have compared to the other four from imu. (they may feel the same as i do, but i'm happy with what i am)

I had a 2 weeks holiday at here during my 8 moths of holiday. I'd travel to many places, met friends, and had brought over some of my stuffs.

Accommodation- I get to stay in my uncle's home, which is located so close to the city where transportation is easy. I only took 15mins from city to uwa. And 5mins free bus from home to city...(compared to one of the gal whom need to take an hour of public transport to reach UWA... feel worried for her.) In spite of this, i'll move out eventually, but my parents will always ensure that my accommodation is safe, close to city and transportation, close to convenience shop and so on...

Foods- My uncle is a good cooker, he taught me how to cook.

I'm actually currently staying in his study room, no bed here, i'm sleeping on an air bed, where you need to pump air into the bed. I'm okay with that, just that his room doesn't have fan, It's too hot here without a fan. The wind that blow from outside is HOT!.

I have my own printer, scanner, internet- er.. using uncle's broadband...

Orientation

It was just a short meeting with the international centre advisor, sally tan and sue from faculty of medicine. Sally gave us a walking tour around the main campus of UWA. Pretty hot but it's slightly better than sunday. Continued with enrolment to our course and process our ID card and smart rider card.

So, that's it for the short orientation we had today. about 4hours.

another important thing, 5 of us has finally met up. 2 from JPA, 1 Singaporean. Well, i guess i'm the shortest among them...

Perth

Parents went back to malaysia this morning. sad? a little. But feeling a bit annoyed also, as she keep calling me every 15mins after she arrived in malaysia... zzz

Still is a hot day in perth. So, i prefer to stay at home than loitering outside, burning my skin.

Tried to take bus to UWA just now.

Tomorrow is the day!

A-Z list. 33hours to go...

A- Accord, accent, altis, alphard, avanza

B- Bentley, beetle

C- City, C-class, Crv, camry, chevrolet captiva.

D- Daihatsu (lorry?? XD)

E- E-class, elantra

F- Fortuner, FairladyX, ford falcon.

G- gen 2, GMC

H- Hilux

I- innova, impreza

J- Jazz, Jaguar

K- kancil

L- Lancer, lexus

M- Maxima

N- nissan frontier

O- subaru outback

P- Prius, pajero, Porsche Cayenne

Q- audi Q7

R- rush, L. Reventon, Rexton, roll royce

S- saga, suzuki

T- tucsan

U-

V- vios, vitara, volkswagen

W- wish, wira

X- x-trail

Y- yaris

Z-

How i learnt my ABC... hahahaa

Aiseh, 2 lagi... .... no more cars in my mind....

49hours left...

6-7个月, 好长的假期哦... 玩完了... 是时候回到轨道上, 繼續往前跑.

收拾的差不多了, 东西多不多, 少不少... 唯一我能说的是书本很重. 好像搬运几棵MSIA 树去PERTH.

这几天为了不让自己多想, 我拼命找东西看,读,做, 想些开心的事, 例如: 我希望接下来的两星期假期我能抽出一星期去ALICE SPRING 玩. 假期真的有够少...

dino zai!!! (7 days to go)

Wanna intro this super small dino zai today!! hehehe...

dino zai was my hsemate back to imu bkt jalil days.

She is now studying in canada... sooooo super far away from me... but ! every time, after i talk to her, i feel soooo great and happy!! she could read my mind even when we were talking in msn!!! LOL!!! soooo farney!!!

btw, my dino zai also has brilliant memories lo!!! and very observant (esp tooooooo sai.... cabut...)hahaha...

eh, my mama loves u so much le... As in when i told her i was msn with u, not only that she won't disturb me, she even ask me how r u there le!!! wahaha!!! i haven't tell her you wanna eat cendol using ice in from ur hse... wahaha....

Thank you dino zai!!!

I am Sad... (8 days to go)

I have a best friend.
Her name is BXX.
I knew B since i was standard 5. So, it's about 12 years now.
She is like a Big sister to me. B seldom say No to my request. She taught me how to park parallel parking. She came all the way back from kl to celebrate my 21.
B has a brilliant memories. She could remember things i told her when i was form 2 or 3.

Out of sudden, she does not speak to me. Shortly after my 21, no msn, with 2 forwarding sms. I'm Sad. Hopefully time can heal her worries or ?? ... i dunno... I just hope that i still can ask her out for a tea when i come back end of this year.


To my other best friends, please do not treat me so cold suddenly, i'll feel terribly sad.